Confession

Looking back on my life... basically my whole life has been a failure

Today i have lost another brother, someone who means the world to me

First it was brother who i treasured and who loved me so much

And now its someone who i have trusted for most of my life

Do you kno how it feels to be left behind by someone

Who u thought who be the last one whod leave you...

It was in suck shocked today, i nearly had a serious attack

Its getting so hard to breathe, it feels as if my throat is closing in

My body feels so weak from the lack of air

To the point where i had to go back to my old ways... and calm myself down

i reached for a razor and started cutting myself

But its at a point where even that doesn't calm me down. 

I wish the rain would wash me away and let me go to a better place

I dont have anymore people that i can trust in with all my heart

And i dont think that i can ever open my heart again...

Ive put too much hope into my life.. and the people around me

Now i have nothing left but an empty heart

Ill never see the world in colour again

For today was the worst betrayal of my life

And the last hopeful star has faded away

From now on, life is meaningless

When no one cares, and no one needs

So my heart will be ripped out like a useless weed

20/08/11

wats the point when no one really gives a shit. rather die then stay in this fuked up place
the world is never fair. No one notices no matter how many tears fall from your eyes or how many cuts u've placed on your own body to rid of the pain that ripes your heart apart. Why cant the world b fair?....

My depression life

I did an australian quiz thing about depression a while back and i had a 9/10
Today i did it again cause i really felt like killing myself like the usual
and i got a 10/10 surprisingly

so now on since so much things are screwin up my life im going to document
times that i cried, fell empty or jus plain want to kill myself
theres been many before this in the pass month or so but ill start today

18/08/11
Cried and want to die- i home from shopping for my assignment and i was about 20 mins late for the time mum assigned 8.30 because we got lost. Mum comes in swearing in my face. saying how worthless and useless of a person i am. Says all i ever do is cried and then just go back to my uselessness verbally abusing me and all. then she goes outside and starts laughing with the rest of my family
I really feel as if im adopted. i wouldnt mine if i did cause it would really show why they keep treating me like im a piece of shit. I dont want to live a world where my "parents" treat me no better then a stanger. At times like this i really jus want to get a knife and stab myself in the chest so that i could die and leave everything behind for them. So they know how much pain they put me through since the minute i was born. No one seems to know these things until its too late. If i did kill myself like that at least theyd treat my little brother Quang better right?....

...

Sometimes u just feel as if all of the little things life has that makes it worth while
is all gone with the wind
At times like this looking up at the sky offers nothing but a pile of concrete
and the clear visibility of the boundaries of your life

lol

Lol man, you know what? at this stage... Go fuck urself :)
everything can go screw itself up the ass cause i dont give a shit anymore
times like this i can even cry xD back to emotionless lil me :O
Oh i miss my razor/pills, wish i didnt throw them away D:

What does love mean to you?

What does love mean to you?
What is this thing they call love
Something that everyone seeks for in life
Something that completes them as husband or wife

Its something everyone needs
Yet there is no definite meaning
Not all love is complete, many tend to slowly fade away
While others stay until their every last day

Love is not always beautiful as what it may seem
Although it may look as if it is all joy
Many don't see the pain involved
Once they encounter it, everything starts to dissolve

Love can be a monster
One often attempts to destroy another without a clue in the world
Like a the love from a mother that endlessly crushes the heart of her daughter
Keeping her away from the place of her desire

So what is this feeling?
It can be so beautiful yet it can be so cruel
What is the true meaning of love?
Although the answer is not clear, i know that what we have is truly from above