blindfolded and wounded

why am i hurt so easily by their words?
shouldn't i be used to the swearing?
shouldn't i be used to the abuse?
shouldn't i be used to their temper?
shouldn't i be dry of tears?
and shouldn't i be emotionless?

why, after all of these for years and years,
am i still treasuring and love my family the most?
now a days it felt like i have already cried a river
its been so long that I've cried so much
i just cant help it, my family is everything to me
yet, to them, i seem like nothing but a dog,
that they want to make obedient to show the world

My family are the people i need support from the most
yet... they don't seem to care
they swear at me everyday, they threaten to hit me more every time i try to explain something
but if i dont talk, they say i am like an animal that when its told something
its just goes in one ear and out the other and threaten to hit me again
so once it happens, i am trapped with no way out
its starting to get harder to take, as each threat is spoken
as each harsh hurtful words are pegged at me

but after each time
as i am left crying or with red marks on me
they just return to normal, laughing and smiling
like nothing had happen, while i once again
cage myself back in this little space of the house that is somewhat my own
where i start to loose my hope and desire to live
because of this, i try not to keep anything that i can cut myself with,
or any pills in my room...

i am put down in any way possible
destroying my dreams and darkening my sight
forcing me into a world of the blindfolded
those little dreams of mine are like my legs, if they are broken,
i will never be able to run pass the finish line ever again
its as if im in a wheelchair, i go wherever i am push
like how i am living now

my future is already decided for me
i have no carrier choice, i have no hobby choice
i have no choice in my personality and no choice to be who i am
no choice in friends and no choice in relationships
is it cause i am selfish? or is it because im not good enough

please dont say anything bad about my friends
they are dear to me, they know me and understand me more than you ever will
they are more like family to me... than you ever be
it may be that i feel that because im selfish about them treating me better
but whatever you do, dont pick a single bad thing about them
and then mock them and constantly say bad thing about them

maybe they did do wrong, but nobody is perfect
dont you get that? its not like you never made a mistake in your life at this age
you dont even know them personally, so you dont have the right to say anything
what happened to being more experienced and more knowledgeable?
i see no wisdom in saying those type of things, do you?
dont judge them because of what they wear, what hair colour
or the look of their face,

i love every single one of them, for who they are
i dont care if they stole or hijacked cars in the past
i dont hate them because the smoke
i dont hate them because they have 10 piercings on each ear
if you look pass those things on the outside, you will find something that you never expected
thats why i love them all, i dont care what they did, the pasted is history
i treasure their support when you bash me down
i treasure their smile and their laughs
i treasure them for who they are,i dont care if they're no where near perfect?
if i dont, then why should u?